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The Complete Christine O'Donnell

From witchcraft to masturbation to carbon-dating to recycled virginity to mosh pits.

You've heard about her run-ins with witchcraft and masturbation. You've heard about her financial troubles. But there's so much more—a treasure trove of quotations that are worth reading in the original. Below, you'll find a comprehensive guide to the craziest statements Republican Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell has made in public.

The (Self-) Pleasure Principle

"The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can't masturbate without lust." -- 1996, MTV’s "Sex in the 90s"

“If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, than why am I in the picture?” -- 1996, MTV’s "Sex in the 90s"

"The reason that you don't tell [people] that masturbation is the answer to AIDS and all these other problems that come with sex outside of marriage is because again, it is not addressing the issue," she said. "You're just gonna create somebody who is, I was gonna say, 'toying with his sexuality.' Pardon the pun." -- 1996, MTV’s "Sex in the 90s"

"Sex is a covenant between a man and a woman and God. … Your job is to satisfy the other, the giving of oneself to another. Porn turns that around." -- November 12, 2006, Wilmington News-Journal

If the Senate Doesn't Work Out, Maybe HHS?

"I don't encourage anyone to seek 'abstinence.' I cringe at terms like 'secondary virginity' or 'recycled virgin.' One of my goals is to get the body of Christ to stop proclaiming these words. I would rejoice if I never heard 'abstinence' from a pulpit again." -- November 9, 1998, Cultural Dissent

"God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills. The outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God." -- November 9, 1998, Cultural Dissent

Witches' Brew

"I dabbled into witchcraft—I never joined a coven. But I did, I did. I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I'm not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do," -- October 29, 1999, “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher," (unaired); September 17, 2010, "Real Time with Bill Maher" (aired).

"One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar, and I didn't know it. I mean, there's little blood there and stuff like that. …We went to a movie and then had a midnight picnic on a satanic altar." -- October 29, 1999, “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher" (unaired); September 17, 2010, "Real Time with Bill Maher" (aired).

“Psychics exploit the human beings' natural desire that longs for something higher. … The same way a pimp exploits the natural desire to be with the opposite sex … psychics put people in spiritual harm, the same way pimps put people in physical harm.” -- October 2001, "Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher"

Wherein She Exhibits Less Pop-Cultural Aptitude Than Larry King

“And you can tell that Britney Spears is struggling with who she is. I think she has a team of agents and managers who are saying, yes, push the envelope, kiss Madonna, take off all your clothes. And she’s doing that because she doesn’t want to sacrifice this enormous platform that she’s built. But at the same time, she is sacrificing herself and you can see that in her eyes when she talks.” -- November 15, 2003, Fox News

A Mama Grizzly Roar

"You see Tolkien's wisdom applied to just about everything: Tolkien and communism, Tolkien and industrialization. … In researching this topic I even found a book on Tolkien and sexual fetishes. … [It's] surprising, then, especially in today's very hyper-sensitive, post-Gloria Steinem world, that there's such a lack of commentary on Tolkien and women. ... Is it that people assume that women don't have an interest in Tolkien?" -- December 18, 2003, C-SPAN

“Absolutely, but let me qualify that—I consider myself an authentic feminist. Not as defined by the modern movement. And, let me clarify that a little bit more. I was an English major, so break it down: -ist means one who celebrates. As a feminist, I celebrate my femininity.” -- July 2010, Interview at Americans for Prosperity’s RightOnline Conference

Touched by Big Brother

"America is now a socialist economy. The definition of a socialist economy is when 50 percent or more your economy is dependent on the federal government." -- November 2009, Town Hall Meeting

“Bureaucrats and politicians in Washington think they should decide what kind of light bulb we should use, what kind of toilet we flush, what kind of car we should drive. They even want unelected panels of bureaucrats to decide who gets what life-saving treatment. … They'll let your teenage daughter buy an abortion, but they won’t let her buy a sugary soda in her school’s vending machine." -- September 17, 2010, Values Voter Summit

The Freak-Dancing Children of America Are Our Future

“This is a matter of culpability. What freak dancing is isn’t just like the safety of mosh pitting. … This is sexually explicit activity for minors. We do limit the expression of minors. There are drinking laws. There are—you know, you have to be 18 to smoke. You can’t go to school in a bikini. On one hand, you have people saying this is squelching their freedom, and then you scratch your head and say look over here, date rape is such an epidemic. There’s a connection, and, if people realize that there’s a connection, then they’ll realize that these limitations and restrictions exist for a very valid reason.” -- May 15, 2003, "The O'Reilly Factor"

On Mr. Hopey-Changey

“He’s soooo liberal. He’s anti-American. … He’s beating the ‘change’ drum. But let’s look at the change. He did not vote for English as the official language. What does that say?” -- January 7, 2008, “The Live Desk

The Big Gay Agenda

“Well, I know that the [gay pride parade] here in Los Angeles, there was S&M going on. There was mocking sodomy, mocking, you know, all kinds of crude sexual acts. … Because—because authorities were too afraid to be called, quote, unquote, ‘homophobic’ because these homosexual special rights groups do get away with [anything].” -- June 26, 2000, Fox News

“Adolph [sic] Hitler once said that to engineer a society you must first engineer its language. Starting with the youth, he set in motion a design to erode the power of words, to steal the significance and beauty of a single word. We can see the unfolding of that plan in our society. Society’s 'sexual liberation' has unleashed an entirely new lexicon. For example, 'gay' has always meant joyful and gleeful. Yet, today, when we say that Ellen is gay, we’re certainly not talking about her emotional well being.” -- November 9, 1998, Cultural Dissent

Primordial Soup

“Well, creationism, in essence, is believing that the world began as the Bible in Genesis says, that God created the Earth in six days, six 24-hour periods. And there is just as much, if not more, evidence supporting that.” -- March 30, 1996, CNN

“Well, as the senator from Tennessee mentioned, evolution is a theory and it's exactly that. There is not enough evidence, consistent evidence to make it as fact, and I say that because for theory to become a fact, it needs to consistently have the same results after it goes through a series of tests. The tests that they put—that they use to support evolution do not have consistent results. Now too many people are blindly accepting evolution as fact. But when you get down to the hard evidence, it's merely a theory. But creation … ” -- March 30, 1996, CNN

“Now, he said that it's based on fact. I just want to point out a couple things. First of all, they use carbon dating, as an example, to prove that something was millions of years old. Well, we have the eruption of Mt. Saint Helens and the carbon dating test that they used then would have to then prove that these were hundreds of millions of years younger, when what happened was they had the exact same results on the fossils and canyons that they did the tests on that were supposedly 100 millions of years old. And it's the kind of inconsistent tests like this that they're basing their 'facts' on.” -- March 30, 1996, CNN

Campaign Trail Mix, With Nut

"During the primary, I heard the audible voice of God. … He said, 'Credibility.' It wasn't a thought in my head. I thought it meant I was going to win. But after the primary, I got credibility." -- November 12, 2006, Wilmington News-Journal

“[My opponents are] following me. They follow me home at night. I make sure that I come back to the townhouse and then we have our team come out and check all the bushes and check all the cars to make sure that—they follow me. … That’s what’s disgusting, as you can see from the YouTube videos. They knock on the door at all hours of the night. They’re hiding in the bushes when I’m at candidate forums.” -- September 2, 2010, The Weekly Standard

Hot-Button Issue Grab Bag

"We took the Bible and prayer out of public schools. Now we're having weekly shootings. We had the 60s sexual revolution, and now people are dying of AIDS." -- August 1998, "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher"

"If I were in that situation [hiding Jews from the Nazis, and conflicted about whether to tell a lie in order to save them] ... God would provide a way to do the right thing." -- August 1998, "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher"

Her Val Kilmer Moment

"There's only truth and not truth. You're either very good or evil.” -- November 12, 2006, Wilmington News-Journal

Hillary Kelly is assistant editor of THE BOOK.