Thank god I can stop feeling sorry for poor, dim Fredo and turn my full attentions to the Mark Foley-esque excitement that Senator Larry Craig can look forward to now that all of America knows about his restroom romance: reporters stalking him and his family, old allegations being dusted off and autopsied (the Idaho Statesman is offering up more than a few this a.m.), liberals denouncing the hypocrisy of his opposition to gay rights, his colleagues fleeing the john whenever he enters, his ultimate exile from the Capitol's hallowed halls ... If the 1982 rumors about Craig's behaving inappropriately with underage congressional pages have even a grain of truth, Craig deserves all this grief and more. But the hypocrisy charges being thrown around seem a bit too simplistic for a behavior that seems firmly rooted in fear and self-loathing. Craig is gay. Or, if we are to accept his repeated denials of technical gayness, Craig is a happily married hetero who in his spare time just happens to enjoy soliciting anonymous sex from members of his own gender. Fine. He says "tomato," I say "gay." Because of Craig's upbringing, his religious beliefs, or what have you, he cannot come to terms with his homosexuality. But at the same time, he cannot control it, and he occasionally gets caught with his proverbial, and literal, pants down. At that point, he has to take drastic action to cover his tracks. For instance, last October, gay activist blogger Mike Rogers published allegations from men claiming to have had sex with Craig. Not long thereafter, the Senator issued a statement pledging his support for an amendment to the Idaho constitution banning gay marriage and civil unions. One can only speculate as to whether the press release's headline originally read: "See, I told you I'm not One of Them!" (Another sequence of events now being revisited involves Craig's asking his now-wife to marry him just six months after he was caught up in '82 page scandal.) It's not so much that Craig has been championing traditional piety for others while wallowing in his own vice--the kind of tiresome hypocrisy so often practiced by Republican congressmen who fan the family values flames even as they cheat on their wives with hottie Hill staffers. (Yes, Newt, that includes you.) Rather, Craig has been championing traditional piety for others as part of a desperate attempt to cover up a dirty little secret that he so clearly hates himself for. --Michelle Cottle